So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Panties = found
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
