can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
