So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
