she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
