i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
