btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
