i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
