I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
