i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
