she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
