so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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