I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
