at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
