there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
