kristin has been a bad kristin
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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