a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
