yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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