I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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