Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
