After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
