You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
