My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
