umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
