Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
