i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
