the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
