kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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