Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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