i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
