woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
