hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
