I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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