thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
