Cold hands, warm shart.
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
smell my finger.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
