Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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