Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
