woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
