Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
