Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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