Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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