I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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