god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
