You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Randomize
