So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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