his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
