Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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