You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
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