I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
