life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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