In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
